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So finally after a long wait we’ve already reached the 2014. Yes we didn’t die in 2012 nor in 2013 and I’m quite confident nobody is dying that way in some qayamat or tabaahi in the near future also. But what has exactly changed in the city?….. . Oops reality check, except for the Modi wave nothing! And puhleez just because I said Modi we are definitely not talking about politics or about the MODIfied India, so all you “current affair” types please GO AWAY.

Today I got a call from that local channel NTV, they wanted me to come over for a screen test, imagine! I toh literally skipped a beat. They wanted me to audition for a talk show as an anchor and I had no clothes. No time for visiting kapoorthala also. Waise bhi what rubbish stock they keep aj-kal, all love-lane ka maal. I thought of calling Tinkai but realized her clothes wouldn’t fit me not even in my wildest dream. Now you’ll ask who Tinkai ? khair am very bad at all these intro-shintro ha! Anyway just as ishq wala love Tinkai is my sister wali best friend but that kamini I tell you born 2kgs grew up to be 20 Kg’s and will remain 20 Kg’s all through her life, and what shall I tell you about myself  ZERO figure hai ji. Anyway where was I? oh haa kapde! Haa so I finally decided to wear ek puranaimages (5) copy sa but branded white color kurta with tight pink leggings, light-light make-up also and I looked quite goodish, mumma as usual said “itna saj ke don’t go” but puhleez it was my first screen test bhai! So after saying my short prayers (literally short maybe of one micro second) to Sai Baba I left the house saying aashchi  (coming) three times because mumma won’t ever respond at first and then she’ll say you never tell before leaving. Budhapa I tell you!

Anyway I literally ate Mayank ka sar so that he could explain me the way to that NTV’s office. Who is mayank?  Obviously my friend. Now don’t be so dumb yaar! Ha one important thing about him is he is my all-in-one type friend you know for e.g. Plumber, mechanic, doctor, engineer, lawyer, newspaper, banker, maid, Google map, heeh its important to have such a friend na?

So the NTV office turned out to be in the heart of the city which obviously is Hazratganj that too near the vidhansabha. What luxury type area I tell you ha…baba just don’t ask imagine they keep cleaning the roads every half-half hour and five-five dustbins In the same locality! But peoples!  What do we do Lucknowites love paan masala and more than that they have a love for spitting paan masala on the best of places and this time one 40-45 saal ka faqeer type aadmi chose to spit on my  kurta I wore specially for the screen test. IMAGINE MY WHITE KURTA! “ohhooo bhaisaab ye kya kar diya ? you don’t have brains, you know this is from ‘FabIndia’ can’t you see the dustbins here? Why the hell did you thuko on me?” I was boiling I shouted at him just as I shout on mumma at home when she gets that 11 year old to work (are mere maid ki bhatiji) anyway what he said was more than shocking, “Are AUNTY ji paan ki peek hi hai koi kachra thodi ke dustbin me faek de hain?” AUNTY ji!! He called me aunty that made me sure that he was andhaa and couldn’t see the dustbins so I chose to ignore him. Anyway obviously my screen test was no more happening because I couldn’t go to that itnaa badaa media house with a stained kurta naa? Upar se that aadmi called me aunty which meant I definitely looked 30 years older also, so I called them and said I had been sleep-deprived the last night and didn’t feel very well and came back home khaali haath. Obviously mumma gave me a complete 2 hrs ka lecture on how hard papa worked to get all these ‘FabIndia’ type products for us and that petrol was also so expensive and hazratganj ke two rounds is like a 100 bucks! As if I don’t know….Budhapa I tell you.

 

 

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Mohona Dasgupta

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