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To the majority of single friends, we’ve grown tired of hearing the same things, over and over again:

“Howcome you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?”
“You’re soo sweet and helping why are you single ?.” (trust me this hits hard inside)
“So, you’re single…why ? , howcome?”

For a long time I’ve remained single, I’ve repeatedly fired back with one answer: “I’m not in love with anyone.”

They say that when you fall in love with someone, you feel euphoria and butterflies in your tummy, It’s something over which you have no control.

But,on the contrary they also tell me that to love someone is a “choice,” something you can and do control. I’ve now realized that people talk about two different feelings which they themselves are confused , about two completely different forces: being in love and loving.

The biggest difference? One can exist without the other, while one of them cannot.

To love is to decide to love.

We love our parents because they go to the ends of the earth for us.

We love our friends because we can confide everything in them.

We love our gal-friends because they are there for us.

But, how do we know if we were in love with our girlfriends (different from gal-friends)?

in 2013 , I broke up with my now-ex-girlfriend. One morning, I woke up and realized something: I wasn’t in love with her

When I tried to explain to her what I meant, I was not able to find the right words to speak out. I couldn’t express myself articulately because I could barely understand why I felt what I was feeling.

All I could definitively say was I felt unsatisfied. When I tried to rationalize, I concluded that I cared for her deeply. I respected her; I trusted her; I even loved her and wanted to stay by her — but I was not in love with her and before the relationship goes to another level of seriousness and expectations , I had to explain her , I couldn’t make her live a lie after all she was a friend too.

To love a Woman is to support her passions; to be in love with a her is not only to back her passions, but also to adore them to the point that her thirst for them motivates you to be just as hungry for yours.

To love a her is to share all of your thoughts with her; to be in love with a woman is to share all of yourself with her, and when you’re not with her, to seek her in every place you go, think of accidentally meeting her everywhere and feel her in every scent even if its her hoodie or scarf.

To love a her is to feel warmer having her in your embrace; to be in love with a woman is to feel warmer in her embrace and subsequently desire to comfort her any chance you get because you have just as much a fervor to physically express yourself with him as you do emotionally.

You can be in love with a girl, and loving her will automatically come with the package, but you don’t have to necessarily be in love with a woman in order to love him.

Time and time again, I question whether I should have taken up one of my female friends on her offer to be “something more than friends”. I declined them all, and I’m still single.

I have galfriends whom I love , and can do almost anything for them , but I am not in love with them , sadly the care is at tomes mistaken to something else , but I really cant help it

But, in my heart, I know it’s for the best. If it should have happened, then it would have. It would have felt right because it should have felt indescribable.

I will always love them, and for some, simply loving can be enough. But, for others, falling and staying in love, without choice and without reason, is the only way to experience love.

To pair with a lady I believe I can learn to love, in hopes of falling in love with her later on, is a leap of faith I won’t ever take which might destroy even the love and friendship i have for her and vice versa.

It is my belief that we, as humans, each have unique thresholds for what we believe being “in love” means. We should abide by our personal thresholds and put faith in them.

This threshold varies from person to person based on how much more intensely one is able to fall for someone, above how intensely another can fall for someone else.

We cannot judge one couple’s love over another’s. We cannot judge the way one person loves against the way another does.

We cannot judge a single woman for staying single because she hasn’t been able to satiate her, thus far, insatiable appetite because we all feel things differently.

And, perhaps, it’s the extremity of falling in love, that separates the Men from the Boys.

Bottomline :  Dont love your mate , Fall in love with him or her 🙂

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Azmaan Khan

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